I Relapsed, Now What?

Photo by Adam Wilson on Unsplash

I’ll just have one.

I’ll just have a few.

Who wants another?

More.

This was my mind on Friday night. It was my 40th day sober, and my friends birthday. I knew it was over when I took that first shot.

I felt like shit waking up on my friends couch, unaware of where I was, or what happened the night before. Classic.

My first thought was “round two, tonight.” Classic.

It’s Sunday now, and I’m glad I didn’t go down that route, but I’m not glad to be starting again, at day 1. It feels pretty terrible to have failed, and now 40 days feels like it’ll never come again.

We don’t fail when we fall, we fail when we stay down.

Now What?

I don’t feel 100% yet. It will take another couple days until I do, but I will. I’ll pick myself back up and try again. These past 40 days weren’t useless. Me drinking one night didn’t piss them all away. I learned a lot, and I learned just how valuable sobriety is.

After you relapse, you wish more than ever there was a rewind button in life. You want nothing more than to be 41 days sober, instead of 1. The worst day is day 1.

You’re filled with shame, regret, and guilt. It’s an impossible feeling, and one that drives you insane. So when you think about the journey ahead it hurts to know you’re behind where you were just a few days ago.

The truth is there is no easy answer. The only thing you can do now is not drink.

“A Genius” — Mark Cuban, not about me but like he’s definitely said that before (probably).

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